Get Me Through December
by Tabula-rasa33
Summary: Just get me through December, A promise I'll remember, Get me through December, So I can start again."
1. Chapter 1

Alex's Point of view. I own nothing, and god am I depressing or what? There will be an Olivia one as well.

* * *

December.

The month the Christmas lights come up. Trees, snowmen, decorations galore. It gets cold, the days are so short you sometimes wonder why the sun even bothers to come out at all, but each morning it does. The Rockefeller center tree gets it's ceremonial lighting and, although I'd never really wanted to be there at the time, now that I live in Texas I want nothing more. I wonder, watching Vanessa Williams sing one of many Christmas songs, if you're there. I mean I know you're _there _in the city… but I mean there as in patrolling the huge mob of people, or busting an underage kid for doing something stupid in the huge crowd. There are fleeting moments where I think you could be on the arm of a gorgeous woman at some posh party, then I realize you were never really fond of parties.

Could you possibly be as lonely as I am?

One could only hope. Sure that's selfish, but I can dream can't I? Usually during this time we would get our first snow of the year, and on that night [barring a case or some idiot perp] you and I would snuggle up on my upper west side couch, drink hot cocoa [or eggnog, your favorite], watch the tree on TV [because we're not insane], and then kiss under the mistletoe. In general the last few Decembers I've had with you have been the best months of my life. Never before have I really _enjoyed_ December as I had with you. I should have known something would go wrong. It always does with me and my terrible karma.

This will be my first December without you. I miss you more than I could ever bear to say. Inside I'm practically falling apart, but on the outside I'm calm and collected as always, thanks to my years under the pressure of the law. My shell known to everyone here as Katherine is enjoying December and the holidays as much as she can without a family, in a state where there is no snow.

Every day I pray that I can come back and spend another December with you, but again I'm just being selfish. If I can never come home to you -as much as it will kill me inside- I hope you can find happiness with someone else, and I hope you can learn to enjoy December again, without me.


	2. Chapter 2

Olivia's POV, song is by Allison Krauss. I own nothing short of the order the words are in.

* * *

Christmas just isn't the same without you.

I've struggled and floated aimlessly through all of the Christmas cheer that seems to be enveloping the city at a bigger extent this year than I've ever seen. None of the guys dare ask why I'm acting like scrooge, they probably assume the worst. Elliot knows-of course- and he's been a tremendous help so far. I'm eternally grateful for him.

It's my first year without you. My first year alone in about 3 and I didn't think I'd ever go through this alone again. With my job I should have probably seen the major flaws in that assumption, but I didn't care, I had you and I was happy. You didn't "die" that long ago, just a few months, right when autumn was about to rear its ugly head. Ever since that day my mood has gotten worse and worse.

I spent thanksgiving with your mother and she set an extra place for you. I silently gave thanks that you _were_ actually out there breathing somewhere, while she voiced her thanks that I had been brought into her family, even if it was paired with the death of her only daughter. It was the worst feeling of my life, lying to your mother, but I justified it with keeping you safe. Alex, she misses you so much. Her health is getting worse and I don't want her to still think you're dead for too much longer.

Tonight would have been our usual yearly Christmas dinner. We've had this planned since your birthday in July. I was going to make cranberry crème brule, mashed potatoes, and corn; and it was your job to make the ham. Why I delegated you to _that_ I have no idea, but I know why I wanted to make desert. Holding on to the ring I bought for you seems silly now, but I will always keep it and if you ever return the second I see you I'll get down on my knee and do what I should be doing right now. I close my eyes and imagine it going perfectly, you seeing the ring in your dessert and looking up at me breathless with your shining blue eyes. You accepting my proposal, and me slipping the perfect diamond and sapphire ring [to match your eyes] onto your finger, kissing under the mistletoe and you making me the happiest woman alive. I look over from the ring in my right hand into the tumbler of whiskey in my left and sigh. This is going to be a very long and painful holiday season.

_I've been to the mountain left my tracks in the snow  
Where souls have been lost and the walking wounded go  
I've taken the pain no girl should endure  
Faith can move mountains of that I am sure  
But faith can move mountains of that I am sure_

_Just get me through December  
A promise I'll remember  
Get me through December  
So I can start again_


End file.
